I am the king of bad timing…every time I want to make a move you are always seeing someone and when you are single you always need time to get over it…I understand that it takes time but I feel as if you would know or not if you wanted to date. I understand that it is weird ( which I don’t understand) but you know i honestly really like you and i would never leave you or do anything that would make you want to leave me. In my opinion I belive your afraid of losing me as a friend if it doesn’t work out but even if for some reason it doesn’t work out I KNOW that we would still be good friends. You think I call you every night just to see whatsup? I call you every night because the sound of your voice soothes me and just the thought of you makes me feel like everything is ok. You and me have been friends for 6 years now and I have like you for all 6. I left and still knew that you were the right one for me. Maybe one day we’ll try it out and then maybe you’ll know but until then I’m ready to be the best friend I can be by being there for you when you need it and always letting you know that I got your back because in the end I know we’ll always be great friends

Today I was woken by the call of her. I understood that she had been out all night and had been drinking. Which in my oppinon is fine, just don’t drink and drive…but anyways, she immediately tells me she did something with some guy…WHY in the world do I out of all people need to know that! It’s almost as if she tells me just to make me feel envious. I like her less and less everyday yet I like her more and more at the same time. I’m on her hook and wheather she knows it or not she is playing her cards right. Im really getting tired of being the guy on the sidelines though. What bothers me even more is that it was just a one night stand…writing this right now is the only thing keeping me from blowing up on her and saying things like ” you’ll hook up with some guy at a party, go back to his place and fool around but you won’t give me the time of day to just hang out with you?” All I’ve ever wanted was to be friends with you not ” phone” friends. Strangers apparently have better chances of spending time with you then me. I can go on for about another paragraph but I won’t. Moral of this whole thing is that I’m weak and until I stop having feelings for you and caring as much as I do I will never move on to something better…but unfortunatly you believe in my stories and don’t take what I say seriusly which I guess is what I get right? Fuck you for making me feel like this and fuck me for letting someone get this deep into my heart

That feeling you get when you know without a doubt in your mind that the girl of your dreams likes you back must be amazing…unfortunately I don’t know that feeling. I continue to go on and look for other girls to try and block out the fact that I like her. Everytime I’m in it deep with someone else I start to relise that…shit…I like someone else. I’ve absolutely fallen in love with who she is. Not with what she wears or looks but how she acts and represents herself. Ide like to tell this to her but I know she won’t take my words serius. I just wish that I could tell her how I feel for once and actually get the reaction I see in my dreams. But dreams don’t come true and this isn’t a fairy tale so yet again I’m stuck.

Live,Laugh,Love

I have recently made myself look more like a fuck. I’ve not only smashed a good friendship bit also any chance I ever had of getting with the girl of my dreams. At this point I am now against myself. I look in the mirror and despise what I see purely on the facts that I CAN get over it but I WON’T forget it. Now I can see how some people from the outside looking in can say ” dude she is just a girl” but honestly I don’t see her as just a girl I see her as a good friend who through thick and thin has been there for me the last 6 years. What sadens me the most is that although my feeling are on the table and out there your feelings are trapped inside a box that only you have the key too. I’m not excited for the outcome of the next week because I beloved that you will choose to once again not talk for awhile and although we have some this before we are now getting to the age where if we stop talking now all communication can and could he lost. And I really could do without that. But who knows what you want…I’m rambeling so I’m gonna stop here.

Sincerly, Isaac

An attraction built on something you thought was there but in realitiy never was. At this moment im nothing but the cleanup guy. The guy who gets to hear why the guy who likes her wont like her back. unfurtunatly i think im about done with that. Im done listening to you talk about him all the time. maybe i just expect you to understand but in hindsight i dont think you see what you do. i tell you i like you and you push me farther back and on top of that i ask you to give me an answer on if you like me or not and you twist it, and make it sound like you might like me but because of Paul, You cant persue it? WTF?! i want a plain answer god damit. I want to be able to kick it with you and enjoy your company but i feel as if you DONT. Ok i get it your busy…but guess what if your soooo busy how is it you can always put in time for paul, nicole or anybody else. i think thats the part that gets me the most. if were suppost to be “friends” why is it i feel more like an aquantance to you? if i started not talking to you for a month im pretty sure you would be fine with it…you wouldnt even call haha I HATE THAT I HAVE THESE FEELINGS FOR YOU!!! but i can help it. and its hard for me to tell you these things so i keep then hidden on a tumblr page nobody will see.

you ever try to just type when you rAP?

clean up the universe maybe clear up the map?

move into a steller, intergaltica galaxy…

jumping over obsticles, clearly only i can see

but to ones own is not to anothers gain

i mean push the poweder once

youll end up a dead brain

and to waste something so amazing

is something obvuiasly stupid

cant count the number of times

i thought i had been shot by cupid

regardless of the fact nobody can tell me otherwise

that isaac is my name

im big, bout to be televised

so get the clicker

push the button

make sure its recording man

for if it isnt then your missing out

on somethign special man

but this is all a freestyle off the dome

im just writing it really fast

so excuse me if its wrong

i got my sobe and some rice on the side

sounds kind of disgusting

but shit

youde be suprised

You know at this point i want to get out of here sooooo bad. but this girl has gotten me by a thread. even though i know she absolutly doesnt feel the way i do i know that i DO feel this way. and moving away is running from another problem right?! so why do it again? i might stick this one out. i honestly just want to know what im walking away from before i actually do it. maybe im walking away from something that was never going to be or maybe im walking away from something happy. you know moving up here my main goal was to become aimys friend. someone to just hangout with and not give a fuck about any problem in the world. but as time passed we slowely never got to hang out. so now im at a crossroad…why stay for someone who honestly doesnt show the same intrest you show? why let one person make a decsion that could change the whole way i do things. i told my friends when i saw them that this girl is amazing and waiting isnt a prooblem. but you know what ive waited waaaayyyyyy tol long on the sideline to just keep sitting. i need to show her how i feel in a way she will understand….

You ever look around when a group of friends and nto recognize anybody? this trip was a lot of fun but in a way i feel so disconnected from all of those whom i once knew. Things change as time passes and along with things people do too. its very difficult to not see someone you once called a brother as a brother anymore. i feel as if i might have failed in my attempts to change the course of wich he took.regardless of his actions i still have some awesome people in my life. people who i know will be there when it counts. im now on a train headed back toward a life i never thought ide be living. back to struggling to find a place to live,eat,relax. the only thing that really keeps me 100 percent while im up there is the thought of her. i cant explain an infatuation but as of lately i feel as if i can. its not just the thought of being with her that makes me so uncontrolably head over heels for her;its how i know that with her every second counts. not in a sense of im dying soon (2012) lol but that i want to be able to experience things with her. she is a diamond in the ruff…haha hopefully this trip has altered what i used to be because i never liked to be that guy.

Live,Laugh,Love

Maybe not the right word for this feeling but running out of title names. i think as f late i have been to hung up over aimy. this is honestly most sprung ive been over a girl since i think…8th grade haha. but in return for tellling someone how you feel you get alot of uncertanty and doubt. which makes me believe that good things dont come to those who wait. Ive waited for a long time yet ive gotten nothing out of it. i had my chance but all i did was slowely watch as she fell in love with another guy. now this guy has diggin into her litterly and physically and now i feel like im trying to pull her from a deep hole. yet as im pulling im also falling in. in my last post i explained how much i liked her. in this post all im doing is giving myself more of a reason to doubt if i like her. but she makes it easy to not like her i guess. her constant pushing of me away and never wanting to do anything basically says it all. i mean if you really wanted to hangout at ALL we would have…yet its been 7 months of me backk in town and ive seen you maybe once for all of 2 min getting a book…you talk about how paul makes you feel when he ignores you and treats you differnt. well i guess i jusy wonder weather you know your doing the same thing to me? but i changed my tumblr account so i dont have to worry about you seeing any of this.

work early int he morning but not tired..cant sleep, so i guess ill work on ym new art form. im combining my funny personality with my ability to rap and making poetry. i wanna be able to say things and have them make some to no sense but still make people feel as if they can relate. but i think im going to keep my speaking to her at minium until she figures herself out or i move on. cause honestly everytime i talk to her i feel so good…i get goosbumps when i think of her, and i mean the good kind not the scary kind. I just wish we could kick it, so that i can be surrounded by her beauty. she has always been that one girl. the girl who i could call and talk to about anything..kinda. the girl who never judged me but accepted me. She might not know how much she means to me but i really wish she did. but all good things take time and at this moment i guess its just not that time.

Love

re-re-re-re-re-re-read harry potter and the goblet of fire. I feel like if anybody asked me any questions regarding that book i would be able to answer them. on another note im most likely going to visit vancouver in about a week or 3 weeks haha but either way i get to go down there and see some of my friends. today was a very boring day no big hurricanes or shark attaks. So my theory is right fellas! If i dont call then i most likely wont get a call…shitty lol ive put myself out there and got shot down quicker then a plane flying over north korea. but oh well…i guess not right now. gonna put on some simpsons and call it a night i guess.

Live,Laugh,Love

I want to move again. Faaaaar away to an island that is south of the equater. basically somewhere hot. I want to creat a new identity, maybe bob saget. and i want to write as my profession. that might be the only thing i keep. as soon as i became familiar with the people on the island i would open up a KFC and eliminate the other chicken places. i would then become the riches person on the island. At that point i would rename the isalnd after myself then move back to the states. When i started seeing people again they would ask me ” hey isaac, what you been up to?” and i would reply ” I got a fucking island named after myself….SUCK IT” I think at that point in my life i would finnaly be really happy lol

Another day another chance flushed down a drain. i suprise myself everyday and today i prooved to myself that i cant do it. its just another thing after another thing…im about ready to lose it. the only thing that keeps my entertained is listening to my downstairs roomate talk about how to be a hooker. i need to record one of her conversations just to have on record haha. but for now im just gonna play the waiting game i guess..

Live,Love,Laugh